


oh ana

by redlemonade



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Heavy Angst, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 19:16:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16959933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redlemonade/pseuds/redlemonade
Summary: joshua likes talking about his boyfriend jihoon.





	oh ana

joshua likes talking about his boyfriend jihoon. 

 

the way jihoon plays with his hair. when he plays the panio while be cooks dinner. the times he would squeeze joshua's hand when he was scared.

 

"how long have you been like this?"

 

the brunette smiles. he doesn't answer right away but goes straight to thinking of his lover. blonde hair and dark eyes that held stars. "i don't know what you are talking about, sir." 

 

he can hear yelling in the room next door, a girl with anger issues crying away like a baby abandoned by its parents. why was he here again, and where was he? everything felt blurry yet clear at the same time.

 

"please answer us truthfully, joshua. do you remember anything that's happened in the past weeks?" the voice rings again and joshua blinks a few times. he doesn't really know how to answer, but goes with his heart, "i got a job at this new fast foot place near my apartment, and i got this new ring a little bit back."

 

the ring on his finger glimmers exactly like the stars in jihoon's eyes, he had said. sadly he doesn't remember how he received it. the person he doesn't recall knowing in front of him frowns.

 

"do you remember lee jihoon?" that question made the boy smile softly. ah yes, the first man he had fallen in love with and the last man he would give his heart to. "yes, of course."

 

in a matter of seconds he was fired back another question, "do you know where he is now?" 

 

joshua can't help but get teary eyed. of course he does. it's been weeks since it happened, so how could he forget so soon? "he passed away the beginning of this month."

 

he couldn't understand why the other had a confused expression covering his face.

 

"no, he's alive and always has been. wasn't he also the one to give you that ring?"

 

"no? my boyfriend died of overdosing on pills." 

 

joshua had no idea why the situation was effecting him less than the other man, who had confusingly taken a picture out of a file with joshua's picture layered on it. 

 

it was jihoon, smiling that smile joshua loved. his arms behind him and one leg crossing the other, like a cute school girl about to ask her crush out. he was wearing the maroon sweater joshua mentioned loving.

 

"this is him a few days ago, are you sure he had passed away?" joshua didn't answer, but instead thought this guy was crazy. jihoon alive? he wished it was true, but it would hurt more to believe than deny it. "i'm positive, sir. may you please let me leave now."

 

the man doesn't answer him, but also doesn't push more questions into the brunette's shoulders, and instead schedules another appointment, making joshua learned that the man had been a therapist.

 

the waiting room smelled like mint gum and cleaning products when he left the therapists' space. sitting there sat a boy about his age that reminded him of someone. and for some reason that someone sprang up from one of the plastic chairs and grabbed onto him.

 

he had no idea who this was, but he had reminded him of someone with those eyes that held stars. "hey joshua.. are you alright? it's me, jihoon." that was crazy, jihoon died a while ago, joshua thinks inside his head.

 

the older pushes away this strange boy, "you aren't supposed to hug strangers. but it is funny how you have the same name as someone i once loved." this other jihoon's jaw practicality dropped. 

 

"did they really not know what was wrong? oh no." jihoon begins to cry and cry and cry, and joshua felt awkward watching. this random man had hugged him and now currently was crying while almost slouching down to the floor. some of the other patients and workers in the room stared but never spoke up. 

 

joshua had been confused, but walked around the shorter. "i hope you figure out what's wrong, goodbye." 

jihoon didn't chase after him. jihoon didn't yell out for him. jihoon didn't cry anymore. he had lost the man he loved for the past four years. he had proposed to joshua a day before he had began acting like this, yet still wore the ring, and jihoon wore his as well.

 

no matter what he could do, joshua would always think lee jihoon was dead.

**Author's Note:**

> YIKES IM SORRY ABOUT THIS SHORT LITTLE THING 
> 
> this was sort of based off an irl experience, as an old friend of mine had a similar mental ilness. really damn angsty but still hope you liked it xoxo


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